Friday, September 24, 2010

The Vision

It’s Monday, September 20, 2010 and I’m at the end of my 45 minute commute into work.  Over the weekend, I predictably woke up in the middle of the night more than once feeling rotten about my job situation.  Because the good heart in me hasn’t entirely fallen prey to this world, I feel really bad, not only because my performance has suffered at work due to my feelings of being underestimated and under-challenged, but also because I can’t come clean to anyone there about it.  In this economy, it’s downright foolish to make waves at your job.  How could they ever understand that it wasn’t jealousy, but a change in my heart that has made me feel this way?  Even if they could understand, what could they possibly do except let me go, and neither my family nor I can afford that.  I have a 15 month old son, for goodness sake!

Suddenly, my mind returns to the article I read on Friday and the brief research I had done a few hours after reading it to find out what it takes to become a certified ABA Therapist (a master’s degree for one).  Suddenly, the sun shining in my face seems incredibly bright as if it’s shining all the way through my eyes into the back of my head and I feel the proverbial scales fall from my eyes.  God has answered me!  This is my path!  I am not supposed to get any one of the dozens of jobs I’ve applied for over the past few months.  I’m, instantaneously, no longer surprised or even sad that I haven’t been selected for either of the jobs for which I interviewed over the summer.  The new career path selected for me is newer than even I had imagined.  I am not supposed to continue on in the advertising/marketing world.  I’m not even supposed to be making my money from writing.  No, what I am supposed to do with my life is become an ABA therapist and help autistic children and their parents who live in this beautiful Rogue Valley in Oregon.

I realize I’m driving with a huge, dumb smile on my face.  I realize I haven’t felt this happy on this commute EVER.  I realize I haven’t had this many endorphins running through my brain since my husband and I moved out here in 2006 with fresh (though ultimately doomed) dreams in our heads.  All my anxiety about my current job has fallen away.  All desire to escape the office I’m driving toward has vanished.  In fact, I’m newly motivated to be the best employee for my current company as I can for as long as it takes to get the education I need to make this career change.  I realize I’ve taken from my employer and I want to give it all back now.  With the realization of what a large gift I’ve just been given, clarity of life purpose, I feel I could give absolutely anything to anyone right now and still never want again.  Thank you, God!

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